this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
