It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
