The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
