I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
