in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
