fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
