we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
