It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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