mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
