just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
