I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
