i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
