I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
