The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
