Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
