I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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