Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
