You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
