Me too!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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