seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
