I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sarcasm needs its own font
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
