Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
