You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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