Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
