ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
