every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
