9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
