Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
