I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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