I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
