Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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