i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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