I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
