Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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