Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How does it feel to date your dad?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
