How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
