Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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