Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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