Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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