They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
