How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
