You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
