At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
