lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
