As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
