my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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