Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
