i think i have herpe
just one?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
