My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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