dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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