I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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