end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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