Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
